Marriage Study for your preparation
Marriage QT
“Are You Listening?”
Luke 10:38-42
- Re-ordering priorities - God 1st; next marriage; then kids
- See the impact of your walk with God on your marriage.
- Mary listened at feet of Jesus.
- Martha was distracted with preparations.
- Slow down! Listen to God, then listen to & draw out your spouse
- Only one thing is needed - closeness to God! Everything flows from there!
- You must choose - God over distraction, even when the “distractions” are important (work, kids’ needs, etc.)
Q: How often do you choose to listen to God (reading the Bible, praying) over distraction & anxiety?
Prov 20:5
- Listening to hear/understand rather than fix/solve
- When listening to fix or solve, it often leads to frustration/anger.
- Sometimes situations can't be fixed. They can be understood & entrusted to God.
- Often our wives need to be heard, understood – to know we care & want to share the things they feel.
Q: How much do you listen to your spouse to hear, understand, & comfort rather than to fix or solve a problem?
Jam 1:19-25
- Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry
- We often stop listening when we become frustrated, angry
- Deal with anger - awareness vs. denial about it
- Define anger spiritually - anger turned inward displays itself as bitterness, numbness, depression & discouragement
- These are all self-protective mechanisms. It's painful to face/feel the anger - with God, the situation...
Eph 4:15, 25-27
- Speak the truth…in love!
- Put off falsehood & speak truthfully
- Don’t go to bed with undealt with, unresolved anger – gives Satan a foothold to keep growing in your heart
- Look at Heb 12:15 – bitterness only keeps growing to cause more trouble!
- Examine your desire to "escape" - when angry & bitter about things we can't solve, we want to run away. Instead of running to God & our wife to talk, listen, we run somewhere else…
Q: How do you “escape”? (e.g., staying later at work, letting your wife carry the burdens at home... What other ways?)
Q: How much do you & your spouse talk about each other’s “escapes”? How you each feel about them?
Further Questions for prayer & discussion:
Q: Turning points of your marriage - What were the most significant 2-3 events of your marriage? How do they affect you now? How much do you & your spouse talk about them?
Q: In what areas of your life do you let God impact your marriage? What do you do to let him in?
Q: Do you feel like you’re married to your best friend?
Q: Is there anyone you trust more or confide in more than your spouse?
Q: How often do you & your spouse go to God together – reading the Bible, prayer?
Q: Does God know (have you actually told him) the things that burden you most (things that make you sad, mad, happy, faith-filled, faithless, etc.)
Q: Is it easier to apologize & reconcile or to forget? Which do you do most often?
Q: Would you & your spouse agree on the sins that haunt you most?
Q: How do you “shut down” your spouse? Looks, sighs, anger/outbursts, turning things back on her, etc? (Tip: The best way to draw her out is by being vulnerable, humble yourself first. Lead with humility!)
Q: Do you know each other's goals, vision for life?
Q: Do you look for advice often? Who do you ask? Would they recognize it as asking for advice?
Luke 10:38-42
- Re-ordering priorities - God 1st; next marriage; then kids
- See the impact of your walk with God on your marriage.
- Mary listened at feet of Jesus.
- Martha was distracted with preparations.
- Slow down! Listen to God, then listen to & draw out your spouse
- Only one thing is needed - closeness to God! Everything flows from there!
- You must choose - God over distraction, even when the “distractions” are important (work, kids’ needs, etc.)
Q: How often do you choose to listen to God (reading the Bible, praying) over distraction & anxiety?
Prov 20:5
- Listening to hear/understand rather than fix/solve
- When listening to fix or solve, it often leads to frustration/anger.
- Sometimes situations can't be fixed. They can be understood & entrusted to God.
- Often our wives need to be heard, understood – to know we care & want to share the things they feel.
Q: How much do you listen to your spouse to hear, understand, & comfort rather than to fix or solve a problem?
Jam 1:19-25
- Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry
- We often stop listening when we become frustrated, angry
- Deal with anger - awareness vs. denial about it
- Define anger spiritually - anger turned inward displays itself as bitterness, numbness, depression & discouragement
- These are all self-protective mechanisms. It's painful to face/feel the anger - with God, the situation...
Eph 4:15, 25-27
- Speak the truth…in love!
- Put off falsehood & speak truthfully
- Don’t go to bed with undealt with, unresolved anger – gives Satan a foothold to keep growing in your heart
- Look at Heb 12:15 – bitterness only keeps growing to cause more trouble!
- Examine your desire to "escape" - when angry & bitter about things we can't solve, we want to run away. Instead of running to God & our wife to talk, listen, we run somewhere else…
Q: How do you “escape”? (e.g., staying later at work, letting your wife carry the burdens at home... What other ways?)
Q: How much do you & your spouse talk about each other’s “escapes”? How you each feel about them?
Further Questions for prayer & discussion:
Q: Turning points of your marriage - What were the most significant 2-3 events of your marriage? How do they affect you now? How much do you & your spouse talk about them?
Q: In what areas of your life do you let God impact your marriage? What do you do to let him in?
Q: Do you feel like you’re married to your best friend?
Q: Is there anyone you trust more or confide in more than your spouse?
Q: How often do you & your spouse go to God together – reading the Bible, prayer?
Q: Does God know (have you actually told him) the things that burden you most (things that make you sad, mad, happy, faith-filled, faithless, etc.)
Q: Is it easier to apologize & reconcile or to forget? Which do you do most often?
Q: Would you & your spouse agree on the sins that haunt you most?
Q: How do you “shut down” your spouse? Looks, sighs, anger/outbursts, turning things back on her, etc? (Tip: The best way to draw her out is by being vulnerable, humble yourself first. Lead with humility!)
Q: Do you know each other's goals, vision for life?
Q: Do you look for advice often? Who do you ask? Would they recognize it as asking for advice?